Ramona Nowitzki not only brought the crazy, she dressed up that crazy in an arsenal of ugly clothing, too.
From this aztec-y, red zipped hoodie concoction… (are those purple things meant to be flowers or wallpaper scorers?)
…to this drab, gray cardigan with the pitiful peony arrangement.
I don’t even know what is going on with the sleeve of this equally dull, lime-sorbet number. Are those red and blue pom-poms meant to resemble herpes-zoster cells under a microscope? (she does get points for the matching headband, though)
Oh sure… because diarrhea brown goes so well with baby blue. Honey, I’ve got news for you: putting a yellow flower on top of a pile of dog mess doesn’t magically turn it into chocolate soft-serve. I give up!
She might stand a sartorial chance if she didn’t look like such a raging psychopath, right? I mean, that maniacal grin would send Alex Forrest running for the hills. (see what I did there?)
God speed, Ramona. Pretty girl, but I hope we never see you again.
BONUS: Pants-less Sheldon.
Howard Wolowitz is like a sexy bag of Skittles: tip it over and you never know what is going to come spilling out into your hand, but chances are it’ll be bright and give you a stomach-ache. (I know, it’s a stretch).*
This week, our delicious dweeb was, as usual, a sight for sore eyes, donning one vibrant pastel top after another. Hey, I wouldn’t mind having a few cavities filled if it meant I could get my hands on this sickly-sweet confection.
*I also chose to omit “eat the whole thing and you’ll regret it in the morning” out of common courtesy.
BONUS: Fierce Bitch is Fierce!
Octavia Spencer as YET another sassy public servant.
OK, so this week, Raj discovers a planetary object just outside of the Kuiper Belt … People Magazine throws him a party … Crazy-Ass Charlie Sheen makes a particularly creepy cameo … blah blah blah. The ONLY thing truly worth watching for is the heavenly sight of Rajesh Koothrappali in a handsome suit. Surely, nothing makes the knees tremble like champagne, pearly whites, and a sharp dressed man. Nothing of course, unless that man is the spicy Bengali biscuit seen above. Opting for the classic black jacket, the debonair doctor is playful with color, successfully pairing that cocoa skin with the sexy scarlet hues underneath. GAWD! and a pocket square to match. Wrap ‘im up! I’ll take two! Decked out in those threads, who wouldn’t want to discover that celestial body?
It was bound to happen, folks! Pasadena’s favorite unspoiled flower done broken her sex box. That’s right, Penny and her limpid libido, take to the cutthroat world of online gaming in order to combat a nasty spell of sexual frustration*. As a result, she forgoes her usual routine of bathing and not-wearing-sweatpants-stained-with-Cheeto-dust, reducing herself to a vision lower than the ladies found in one of Howard’s dirty magazines.
I mean, c’mon! with this look. The banged-up Barbie doll hair and that unwiped chin? At least that universally unflattering teal gray hoodie perfectly complements the dark circles under her cavernous, unrested eye sockets. I really can’t.
One question repeats itself over and over in the mind: if all she had to do was “get herself some”, why didn’t she just pick up the horn and give Kurt a ring-a-ding-ding? Crude double entendre totally intended.
*I know, it sounds lame as hell, but Dr. Leslie Winkle gave the diagnosis, so therefore, it’s got to be true.
Queen Penelope AFK…whaaaa-aaattt?!!?!?
Break out the smelling salts, ladies! Just one furtive glance at this brooding herd of Medieval machismo is enough to send any damsel into distress (down there). This episode finds the gang returning from an uneventful Renaissance fair, decked out in their most delicate finery, only to bump into Penny and her new squeeze in the stairwell. Quelle horreur! Leonard is understandably devastated. Sheldon, however, is unmoved and left to bask in the perverted comfort derived from his hand-fashioned, historically-accurate linen undergarments. Zut Alors! Outdated interjections aside, one thing is for certain: those are some serious sewing skills on display. Who needs girls when you can stitch up your own ball gown and party like it’s 1599?
Love is in the air! In this season opener, we discover that Leonard and Penny aren’t the only two interested in a little fun-time frolic. Burdened by a deep, dark secret, Sheldon runs away from home and (naturally) ends up in the bed of eternal sex god Howard Wolowitz. The unlikely pairing may not have been planned, but one’s judgment is sure to become clouded upon setting foot into such an alluring boudoir. The layout here is particularly fetching; sort of an S & M dungeon… if “S” & “M” stood for “Science” and “Math.” I mean, who else besides Caligula would wear satin pajamas under satin sheets? God Speed, Sheldon. I wonder what Mrs. Wolowitz makes for breakfast?
BONUS: Sheldon’s Folding Board
What makes Dr. Cooper such an appetizing morsel is his strict attention to detail. When he isn’t falling prey to Howard’s tawdry seduction tactics, Sheldon can usually be found doing his laundry.
Want to be as dashing and debonair as Sheldon? Pick up your very own “Neurotic’s Choice” Clothing Folding Board here.
At long last, Mr. Hofstadter! Finally working up the chutzpah to ask out our fair maiden Penny. Can you believe it took seventeen episodes? And in those many months of planning the perfect night out with such a special lady, one would think that Leonard might have put two seconds of thought into his outfit. Now, while these shoulders would easily work on fashion icons like Dorothy Zbornak or Christine Cagney, they seem to do very little for our soft-spoken atom-splitter. In fact the bulky shrug, in addition to the comical sleeve length, suggest that this blazer has been hanging in a dark closet since its owner’s senior prom. An unmitigated disaster, no doubt, but the effort is more than appreciated. Speaking of effort, please take a gander at the delicate flower that is Leonard’s date. Pretty as a pink peony, Penny manages to steal the show yet again in a marvelous magenta number. Hopefully, all eyes will remain on her all evening… yep, this couple is doomed.
As Coco Chanel once famously advised: always take one thing off before you leave the house. Apparently, Dr. Koothrappali missed a step.
We’ve all been there. The sweaty, no-longer-wanted dregs of an otherwise awesome raver/bash/dinner-alone-with-a-magnum-of-Zinfandel that just won’t go away. Sure, the host passed out on the davenport hours earlier, but dammit, you are going to make the most of your evening with what little clothes remain clinging to your body. Who knew that beneath all of those sweltering layers Raj was hiding such a free spirit?
SIDE NOTE: Bret Michaels eat your heart out. This is how you rock a bandanna without compromising your inherent masculinity. Draping, too, is totally manly… if done correctly. Some colorful streamers (yellow and orange = gender neutral) positioned strategically over the nipples and held in place with double-sided tape. Voila! You are ready for any party. Or save the idea for Halloween and go as Volta-era Bjork.
BONUS: SASSY SCRUBS
On a happier note, Nurse Althea (Vernee Watson-Johnson), seen here reprising her role as a cheeky orderly, has left the sperm bank and is now manning the local ER. She is also donning a brighter, more elegant pair of scrubs. Don’t let the hot pink fool you. She will still cut a bitch. Gawd, somebody give this woman a talk show!
Leonard just can’t catch a break! Now, while this episode features a particularly outlandish storyline, one that sees the three amigos fighting for the affections of Sheldon’s sexy sister Missy, we do finally manage to spot the elusive “Charismatic Leonard”. We knew he was there all along (how else did he manage to bag Joyce Kim?), but now we finally have proof! No one in 4A has swagger like Leonard during this particularly sensual scene where the sexy four-eyed toy-boy attempts to woo the tasty Texan twin… But of course, all of his efforts at love are for naught. Trust Penny to quash Leonard’s liquid dreams by brandishing his super-unmentionables. Smooth move, ex-lax. At least they were clean (we hope).
Penny’s Cheesecake Factory Uniform
Our delicate Nebraskan flower has often been caught wearing some rather questionable outfits (hey! nobody’s perfect). However, one in particular takes the cake - pun totally intended. Get a load of this abomination! Sauntering straight out of the pages of a back issued Sassy Magazine. The unflattering bust-line? The dowdy denim skirt? This is no ensemble for any lady outside of a 1994 GAP ad. C’mon! That bottom hem is at least a two-incher. A greater case for ‘When Bad Clothes Happen to Good People’ I have yet to see. I would blame her employers, but surely they don’t expect their staff to wear their aprons outside of work. For shame, Penny. For shame.
As expected, Leonard is blind to her faults. The ultimate Superhero!